uncomfortable obedience

by holly j. clemente

I always thought of myself as a compliant person. I would have described myself as someone willing to freely give of my time and resources to help the people that we are living with and ministering to. Unfortunately, I realized rather abruptly that this was only true to an extent. I liked obeying, or rather avoiding trouble, but only when I had time to plan out the steps and to think ahead about how I was willing to obey. I wanted my obedience to follow a plan, and give the appearance of happy compliance even while I wrestled with it. I wanted my giving to be convenient.  It was hard for me to spontaneously give what the Lord required of me, and I came to the realization that I was ignoring certain things that he would speak to me because I felt they were too uncomfortable.

One day many years ago, my husband saw an immediate need that he felt led to take care of. He saw a family who was helping at our church plant and they were so faithful to the ministry and faithful to God’s service, but they lacked a faithful means of transportation. My husband came home and said to me, “I feel like God wants us to give this family our car.” He shocked me into silence. This wasn’t part of any plan that we had made! We had saved and struggled together to come up with just enough money to buy what was our first vehicle as a married couple, and it didn’t seem logical that God, after providing this car for us, would ask us to give it up so quickly. Obedience seemed silly, even unwise. And if in fact, it was really God who was speaking to my husband, my husband must certainly be hearing wrong!

Even though it is an unequal comparison, I see shades of Abraham and Isaac in this story. If you are not familiar with the story from the book of Genesis chapter 22, I will catch you up a bit. Abraham was a guy who left everything to follow God. He had no idea where he was going, but God asked him to leave his home, his family, and everything that was familiar in order to go to the land that God would show him. Abraham obeyed, and God promises to bless him by making his descandants more than the grains of sand and the stars in the sky. The funny thing about that was that Abraham and his wife Sarah were both growing old and they had no children. God told Abraham many times that he would bless him through his children, but many years passed before their son Isaac was born. Abraham and Sarah had waited decades for a child of their own, and finally they had a son! God had fulfilled his promise to them, and they were overjoyed! However, not long after God makes what appears to be a strange request of Abraham. God asks him to take his son Isaac to Mount Moriah and sacrifice him to the Lord in worship. WHAT???? I know what I think of this, so I can only imagine what you are thinking. This doesn’t seem fair, does it? To wait so long for a son, to be given the son by God Himself, only to have to give him back so soon? How would this work? Hadn’t God promised to bless Abraham through his descendants? How would that come to pass if Abraham had no descendants?

According to the Bible, it seems like Abraham went to obey immediately. How he managed that, I am not sure. I have to believe that he was conversing with God, perhaps reasoning and arguing the entire time, telling God how little sense this all made. This was obedience of the truly uncomfortable sort: knowing God well enough to trust him in the unthinkable, and at the same time not understanding at all. But let me tell you the end of the story, just to ease the minds of those who are not familiar with it. Abraham goes to obey God, prepares to sacrifice his only son, and then God stops him. He speaks to Abraham, honors his obedience, and provides an animal to take Isacc’s place for the sacrifice, caught in the nearby bushes. Isaac’s life is spared, Abraham’s father-heart is spared, and God’s ability to provide in impossible places in the most improbable ways is highlighted.

Although a car quite obviously does not carry the same value as the life of a child, I saw the similarities with my current dilemma. It didn’t seem to make sense at all. It didn’t seem to follow any plan. It seemed God was asking us to do something out of the blue that had no rhyme or reason. Yes, giving away our car would be a blessing to this family, but it would leave us in a bit of a lurch. We would find ourselves back at square one, a growing family without transportation. It was difficult for me to see how this could possibly be God. Yet I could not deny the pull I felt to place our vehicle on the metaphorical altar and give it to this family.

I was weak and I did not feel prepared to make the decision that God was asking me to make. I started my walk up that mountain to make my meager sacrifice with a begrudging heart. I would obey, but I would make sure God knew how much this act of obedience was costing me. Thankfully I had a husband who was more than willing to lead me in this sacrifice, because I may never have done it on my own. It bugged me that it didn’t even seem difficult for him. He called the family right away and told them that we wanted to give them our vehicle. They were so thankful and so blessed, and I was internally mourning the lack of preparation, the lack of time that I had to assimilate what seemed like a huge sacrifice for our family. I was obedient to God, but more because my husband was willing to obey, and I just followed along.

Somehow in my murmuring about how unfair this all seemed, I forgot that the point of the whole story of Abraham and Isaac was not about the sacrifice, but about God’s provision. God’s provision was needed because Abraham was obedient. Abraham’s obedience to God was the building block for the blessings that would follow, and God’s provision as a result of that obedience was of the sort that would not be soon forgotten. While none of this made sense to me, I believed God had a plan and He was at work. As I connected with God and sought answers from Him, I felt that God was reminding me that I don’t need to know everything. His ways are not the same as ours. Because of that, not everything will be easy for me, but it is still my job to trust and obey. To be where He leads me and to obey what He tells me. And when I obey, He will provide.

We received a surprise phone call just a few weeks later. We hadn’t shared with anyone that we had given our car away, mostly because I was afraid people would think we were ridiculous. There was no way that our friends and family would see giving our car away as a wise move! But I picked up the phone to hear the voice of someone that we hardly ever communicated with. Without a lot of chit-chat, he quickly cut to the chase. “Would you guys happen to need a vehicle?” My jaw dropped as he proceeded to tell me that he had thought of us and purchased a minivan for us. I don’t think he was really sure why he had done it, and he was definitely surprised when we told him our side of the story! He had no idea that our need was so recent or so great. But God knew all along.

God’s plan had far exceeded my personal plan, or lack thereof, when it came to giving our car away. And his provision was beyond what we had given up. I was amazed then, and retelling the story today I am amazed all over again. This story happened so many years ago, but I needed the reminder again today. God often requires things of us that make us uncomfortable. Since his ways are not the same as ours, it makes sense that his ways would shake our lives up a bit. God is speaking to me currently about some new things he wants to do in my life. I have been dragging my feet a bit, wallowing in my insecurities, and then I remembered this story and I was confronted with this question: Should my discomfort justify my disobedience?

My immediate reaction is no, of course not! Disobedience is still disobedience. My comfort level does not change that. It seems so absurd that I am questioning God’s ways yet again- but instead of feeling chastened by the Holy Spirit with this knowledge, what resounds gently in my spirit is that if I obey, God will provide what I need when I get there. My obedience to God is the building block for what will follow, and His provision will come in response to that obedience.

Whatever God is asking, whatever we need to give up or let go of, we can be sure that God will be faithful to provide. The journey up the mountain is the hard part. Abraham had no idea what awaited at the top, but he knew God so well that he knew He could be trusted. Even in the unthinkable. Maybe you need to let go of something that makes you feel secure. Maybe you need to say goodbye to someone who is important to you. Maybe there is a new challenge that God is inviting you to say yes to, yet you feel unable or insufficient. No matter how big or how small, whether it seems life-changing or insignificant, you can be sure that God is there. Just as he walked with Abraham, giving him the strength for the journey up the mountain, God goes with you. Through the loneliness, the heartbreak, the insecurity, the fear. And just as God had Abraham’s provision already waiting at the top of that mountain, so He has your provision waiting for you. Don’t let the uncomfortable sway you from obedience. Obey and simply trust God in the unknown. Because God wants to bless you, more than you can ask or imagine.

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