dangerous prayers

by colleen

missionary to india

I was a junior in high school when I had a radical encounter with the Lord that changed my life. I was seventeen years old, loved the Lord and wanted nothing more than to serve Him in whatever ways that I could. As a teenager, I would spend my weekends preaching on the street corners outside of the local homeless shelters.  I wanted nothing more than to be used for God’s Kingdom in whatever capacity He saw fit.  I remember praying dangerous prayers like, “Here I am, Lord… send me… no matter the cost.”

My personal commission and assignment came to me one Thursday night at a revival meeting where Evangelist Steve Hill from the Brownsville Revival was preaching. He gave an altar call at the end for anyone who wanted more of the Lord. I literally ran down to the altar, and it was there that the Lord met me in a tangible way.

The only way that I can describe what occurred at the altar that night is that I had a Divine encounter that would forever alter the course of my life. I was suddenly hit by the power of God and his weighty presence filled my body. I experienced a supernatural impartation that felt like a physical hit to my gut and I heard the audible voice of the Lord, which was both strong and gentle at the same time, tell me…”It’s India.”   In an instant the Lord had deposited a burden and a love for a country that was never even on my radar. I went home and told my parents that God was sending me to India.  The Lord, being so kind, repeatedly reassured me of that calling through many signs and confirmations. For the next year and a half, I was laser-focused on finishing high school so I could go to India. At this point, mind you, I didn’t know a soul in India, and I had zero money. But this was just the beginning of a very long journey of faith.

There are so many details in the middle that I don’t have time to get into, but I did end up going on my first trip to India almost two years after that initial call. I had just turned 19 years old when I set foot into this nation that had I carried such a supernatural love for. That first trip was a dream come true for me… I felt so alive and so in my element, so full of purpose and vision.

I ended up moving to India two months later where I still serve and live today… 21 years later.  

I met my  husband, who is Indian, on my first mission trip when I was 19. We now have four amazing children, who live and serve alongside us on the field.

In 2008, we founded an organization that cares for orphans and widows and we have seen so many miracles over the years. We now have our own ministry base located in a remote village and have built a campus that is a refuge for many kids and women in need. We are currently in the process of building and starting a school as well. I stand amazed at what the Lord has done through our simple obedience, our response to the dangerous prayers I found myself praying as a teenager.

We are now seeing the fruit of so many years of labor but it definitely hasn’t been easy…

A fellow missionary and friend of mine said, “India is a very hard country to try and serve in- it’s almost like she wants to fight you back.”  I felt that statement deeply.  If you had told me that when I was 19 and in the honeymoon-stage of missions, I wouldn’t have agreed. I would have said something to the effect of, “I’m probably more dedicated than most,” or “I can adjust easier than most,” or “I am stronger than others who couldn’t hack it.” However, the truth is that this life has been harder than I could have ever imagined.

In my first few years on the field, I was exposed to a lot of food- and water-borne illnesses, and my general health quickly went downhill after that. It started with gastrointestinal issues and parasites. Three years after I moved there, I was down to 100 pounds and weaker than I had ever been. I stabilized and gained back some weight but only to be hit again with typhoid fever in 2005. It nearly took my life. Hit after hit of various parasites and water- and mosquito-borne illnesses really took a toll on my health. At the age of 23, I began having trouble breathing along with terrible fatigue, and have struggled with this off and on for the last 17 years.

My husband and kids have been the only ones who have really seen the extent of my suffering. I am good at masking it in front of others and then collapsing when I get home. Even though I’ve been dealing with this for so long, I’m not willing to let myself identify with me being THIS person. I am still contending for healing and doing everything that I know to do health wise.

After 17 years of dealing with this mystery illness, we finally discovered that I had undiagnosed Lyme disease. Not only was I positive for Lyme, but also many co-infections such as babesia, (which is a blood parasite and cousin to malaria,) along with bartonella, mycoplasma, heavy metals and various parasites and flukes. No wonder I felt like I was dying every day!

Sickness is a part of the missionary life that not many people openly talk about. Not everyone on the mission field deals with chronic illness, but I know that so many do struggle with their health due to the environment that they are exposed to on the field.  I remember reading about the missionary Amy Carmichael who moved to India in 1895 and wrote most of her books from her bed due to dealing with chronic illness that she had acquired living overseas. She rescued over 1000 kids and accomplished amazing things despite her health issues. Her legacy is strong and her schools are still open and running to this day. Stories like this give me hope.

I have been in treatment for the last three years and have made progress, but I still have a long way to go. I have more functional days now, but I have to pace myself and give myself permission to rest. We will continue to treat, to pray, and to believe for healing. For now, we take it one day at a time.

My life on the mission field isn’t exactly what I thought it would look like. I am not able to do all the things that I foresaw myself doing when I first started out on this journey, and I have learned to be so much gentler with myself. I do what I can and no longer stress about what I cannot. I will not give up, as I have seen firsthand how God can and does use anyone who is willing despite one’s inabilities and weaknesses. Answering the call is not for the faint of heart… but it is so worth it!

My life is not my own, and those dangerous prayers that I prayed as a 17-year-old girl, willing to risk it all for the sake of the Gospel… I meant them. Knowing what I know now, even how my life would turn out, I would still say YES every single time.

If I could say anything to my 19-year-old self who was just setting foot into this nation, I would tell her, “It’s gonna be a beautiful, faith-filled journey and you are going to do a lot of good here, but its going to be so much harder than you think. You’re going to want to quit so many times… but keep holding on to the hand of the Father and He will carry you through.”

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me”. Corinthians 12:19

Christ’s power has certainly rested on me, and the Lord has been faithful to carry me through. When I don’t feel like I can go on, I see the smiles of the kids we have rescued and now care for everyday, I am reminded of those dangerous prayers that I began praying so long ago. I was so young, and had no idea what kind of life awaited ahead. Yet because of God’s goodness, it has been worth every moment, and I continue to pray those dangerous prayers today. “Here I am, Lord… send me… no matter the cost.”

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