bridging generations

by holly joy clemente

My heart skipped a beat when I received the call. It was my second-cousin, and he was beside himself with the news that his mother, my great aunt, seemed to be suddenly leaving life on earth. What made the turn of events even more devastating was the fact that my cousin and aunt were not home. They were on an extended trip to Mexico, in a town just two hours from where I live, and were facing a language barrier, a different culture, and unfamiliar hospital policies and medical procedures.

When I said I would come, I didn’t even think about it. My husband and I left home as soon as possible and were on our way to the hospital. We were praying almost constantly on the entire drive, with no idea of what we would encounter upon our arrival. When we drove into the parking lot, we were met by a missionary friend who had graciously gone out of her way to make an emergency hospital visit to pray with my cousin and for my aunt. Our friend had good news- it appeared that my aunt had survived the frightening debacle, and she was now stable and resting.

Despite the favorable turn of events, I knew my cousin and aunt needed some support. The unfamiliar culture and language can be daunting on a good day. They are even more so when you are dealing with possible life and death situations. My husband and I decided that I should stay for several days, while he would go back to our children and keep our home life running as smoothly as possible.

I will admit, I was a little nervous. It was unfamiliar territory for me to be in a hospital setting and translating medical terminology to the best of my ability. It was an odd feeling to be without my husband and children, yet I didn’t doubt my decision for a second. I knew my aunt needed me, and that was all there was to it.

The first two days of my stay were a bit scary. My dear aunt seemed to be gaining some stability, but she was very weak and her oxygen levels were dangerously low. The doctor did not seem overly optimistic about her recovery, and all I could do was attend to her needs and pray my heart out. I used my cell phone to play worship songs and hymns, and at times my aunt would gather her strength to sing along in a weak voice. I know we both felt God’s presence in that hospital room, and somehow despite the fear and the negative circumstances, light and hope broke through.

My aunt began to improve steadily, in what the doctor could only call a miracle. It was as if something sacred was playing out before my very eyes, and every advancement in my aunt’s recovery was a beautiful thing to watch. And then something else amazing began to happen. In the beginning I was so focused on my aunt’s recovery that I almost missed it, but God’s presence was there, and quietly I became surrounded by a very holy moment.

As I did my best to take care of my aunt’s needs, she began to talk. She began to tell me stories of the past, moments from her life and our family history that I had never heard before. Slowly, patiently, she shared with me her thoughts on life and faith and Jesus, unwrapping treasure after treasure with her words. In those few days, I got to know her, not just as the adventurous aunt that I had grown up admiring, but as the amazing person she is. She shared her doubts, failures, adventures, and triumphs with me, holding back little, and ministering to me without even knowing it. Before I realized it, I had become the recipient of one of the sweetest gifts I have ever received- welcomed into some sort of inner circle where the past and the present intertwine and the best of both permeates the very atmosphere.

Those days in that hospital room became precious to me as my aunt and I both changed our focus from death and sickness to hope and life. I was eager to hear and learn all I could, and only hoped that I could somehow reciprocate and give something special in return. I began to ponder our God of relationship, who lays out in His Word the importance of relationship with others, especially intergenerationally.

“These are the commands, decrees, and regulations that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you. You must obey them in the land you are about to enter and occupy, and you and your children and grandchildren must fear the Lord your God as long as you live. If you obey all his decrees and commands, you will enjoy a long life. Listen closely, Israel, and be careful to obey. Then all will go well with you, and you will have many children in the land flowing with milk and honey, just as the Lord, the God of your ancestors, promised you.

“Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” Deuteronomy 6:1-9 NLT

God expected His very covenant with his people to be passed down from generation to generation. The importance of not only parents teaching their children but all of the older generation collectively and actively teaching the younger generation about his commands, promises, and wonders. There are many other references in the Old Testament, including numerous passages in Psalms and Proverbs that exhort the “sons” to pay heed to the wisdom of the “fathers.” That same theme carries over to the New Testament as we see verses about both honoring parents and valuing youth.

“Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12 NLT

These types of integenerational relationships were ordained by God, highly esteemed, and expected to be lived out. Yet it is something that our culture seems to have slowly lost, the respect and honor from the young toward the old, and the value the old can place on the excitement and the fresh vision of the up-and-coming generation. My sweet days in the unexpected place of a hospital room reminded me of the value of stopping to listen, to receive, to be spoken into instead of doing and speaking myself. It reminded me that the generations ahead of me are rich in wisdom, experience, and love. It exhorted me to look for opportunities to encourage and invest in the generations behind me in the same profound way.

I didn’t have the same opportunity with my grandparents that God gave me with my aunt. While I loved them all dearly, all four of my grandparents passed away while I was in Mexico. Every time that I missed out on being there in their last months and weeks, each time I had to miss a funeral and being surrounded by family as I grieved, I counted the cost and God brought peace to my heart. It was one of those things that I knew I was called to give up, as the logistics of being in another country don’t lend to quick trips back home. Yet somehow, with my aunt I felt like God was gifting me a piece of what I had missed with my grandparents. I could almost see my grandmother (who was my aunt’s eldest sister) smiling down at me, thanking me for being there with her sister.

Getting to know my aunt, and allowing her to get to know me, may not have changed me much on the outside, but I feel significantly different at the heart-level. I grew in compassion and knowledge, tenderness and maybe even wisdom. And this post is my thank-you letter to her.

I am so grateful for you, Aunt Shirley, thankful that God healed you. Thank you for investing in me, encouraging me, and inspiring me to be better, braver, and stronger. If you could do all that as you were simultaneously fighting to regain your health, I can certainly take every opportunity to encourage the younger generations around me, starting with my own children. All the yeses you have said to the Lord, in the amazingly beautiful times and in the heartwrenchingly difficult, are the legacy you have passed down to me, along with my grandparents, my parents, and many other spiritual parents who have understood the value in bridging the generations. And I believe that everytime I say yes, not to my own agenda but to God’s plans for me, I am saying it for the next generation. Doing my best to lead by example, showing what it means to obey in God’s strength rather than my own. While I never execute it perfectly, I believe that my heart’s stance before the Lord today will be the inheritance I will leave behind for my children and my children’s children.

I am so glad I said yes to the opportunity of going to my aunt and living alongside her for those few days. I could have made a thousand excuses not to go, and many of them would have been justifiable, but I would have missed out on the way God wanted to work in the difficult circumstances. Even the trials are used for our good when we love Him and have been called according to His purpose. And the Lord wants to give generously to us from the sometimes hidden treasure trove, that we can find when we take the time to bridge generations.

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